While getting ready for church Sunday morning, I glanced out the bedroom window toward a grove of giant oak trees a few houses down from me, standing about five stories tall and bare, since it is still officially winter and the leaves haven’t come in just yet. Though I was impressed by the sheer size of the trees and how much detail I could see from that distance, what really got my attention was a bird perched on the very top of one of them. It wasn’t holding onto a branch or limb, but more like it was standing on top of a twig.   And the bird wasn’t tiny either, but there it stood. I wondered how it could stand there, undisturbed by wind, not afraid of breaking that little itty, bitty twig, as if it were weightless. Then it pushed off and was gone and I stood there, staring at where it had been, wondering how it would feel to be light as a feather. Wondering how it would feel to stand on almost nothing without fear of falling. Wondering what it would feel like to soar. 
 

I thought of the scripture in Hebrews 12:1 that says to “lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily besets us …” It reminded me of a visual I had from the Lord during prayer a while back. I saw myself dressed in white looking up. And as I continued to look up, I began to rise. As I rose, I began to let go of things I had been holding on to –the chair, my purse, my books, my keys, my whatever -else there was. As I let go of things, I rose higher and higher, still looking up. As I continued to let go of things, the lighter I got, the higher I went and the smaller the things were that I had to let go of, even down to the size of a grain of sand or a speck of dust. And I kept going higher and higher, coming closer and closer to the warm radiance of the presence of God.

Now, we all know that we are to “lay aside” the sin, and when we come to Christ, he forgives our sins, and casts them into the sea of forgetfulness. As we continue to walk out life in this body, we still make mistakes from time to time, but we confess them, ask for forgiveness, and receive the blessed forgiveness that comes through the shed blood of the Lamb. We turn from our old sinful ways, and walk in the newness of life in Christ. But what about the weights? 

Over the last thirty or so years I have been in personal one-on-one therapy with Christ. He’s walked me through childhood traumas that had caused so many scars, and were so far reaching that it seemed I was barely alive, almost afraid of breathing for fear of being noticed or touched.   And as I relived each moment, as I walked through the pain again and again, there He was with me, holding me, healing me, fighting for me, telling me I would be okay. And each time a weight would drop off and I would become a little lighter, a little happier, more and more like the little girl He originally created me to be. I still vividly remember when He taught me to laugh again. It wasn’t that long ago, just before I came to Seattle. I was watching an episode of Friends, and all of a sudden it hit me and I laughed, and laughed, and laughed until I cried – and cried, and cried. All the years without laughter, the years of silence and withdrawal, all the years of heaviness and sadness. But He was lifting the weights. It didn’t happen all at once – I’m still in the process. I’m like an onion. He peels first one layer, then another, and another, and another, and as I let go of each layer, I get lighter and lighter and rise higher and higher. 
 

As I get closer and closer to God, the things I have to let go of are so small that they are almost insignificant. They won’t make or break my salvation but they do determine the closeness of my relationship with Christ. They are things like a bad attitude, fear, lack of faith, not obeying to the fullest, anger, frustration, and holding on to grudges -  just to name a few. Things people on the outside wouldn’t notice, but God sees the thoughts and intents of my heart. He knows what really lies beneath, and it’s these little things that He chooses to deliver me from as well as the big things. Like I said, they won’t make or break my salvation, but they do determine my position in Him. 

One of my favorite verses in scripture is a promise found in Habakkuk 3:19 where it says “the Lord God is my strength; He will make my feet like hind’s feet. He will make me to walk upon my high places.” That means that I won’t always be stopped by obstacles and I won’t always be bound by limitations, but I will learn to lightly hop right over them as if they were stepping stones and keep on going until I have reached the highest summit of who He called me to be. I will follow the path laid for me by the Good Shepherd, knowing that He loves and cares most tenderly for me, and that He will guide me each step of the way. And at the end of the journey I will find myself walking on my high places, just like that bird I saw Sunday morning, standing on top of that tree, weightless.